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the_ballmer_peak

Are you a good DM?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

no?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Why aren't you editing the question?


PaladinWoah

Found the Chaotic Evil


TeaandandCoffee

Fuckin legend


pcoria

This wins


actualladyaurora

When was the last time you've cracked open any of the books (digital rules count)?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Actually, I've never done that


FiresOfEden

With the state of WOTC this is acceptable.


Endeav0r_

Honestly, fuck wotc to hell and beyond, I'm using wikis and never giving them a cent


3am-urethra-cactus

Unironically me neither Who needs to when there are online compendiums with content from all books?


actualladyaurora

>(digital rules count)


[deleted]

Do you like stealing your player's snacks?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

\*Unrepentant evil cackling\*


TheIrishFishermanCap

There's no way this is edited


[deleted]

It is. I originally asked what type of villains they liked running.


BrazenBrontosaurus

Don't you mean snackling


funnypoisonplant

I mean... what are they there for if not for the dm


SheAllRiledUp

How would you evaluate whether a dragon's dick is small, average, or large using scientific analysis


Stemper_AKA_Redit

I ask myself, "Would a bard make a song about it?"


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Hot damn, that one was good!


dementor_ssc

That's what the bard said.


Dataraven247

A-ring-ding-ding-ring-ding-ding-ding-a-ling


Skrighk

BRO that doesn't even look bad it's just an amazing answer to a question. I'm putting that in my back pocket for later.


Dangerwolf098

I find it funny when somebody used y=mx+b and technically they were right because it was in fact linear.


Mr_Crowboy

What is your policy on the characters a child brings to a table?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

They're only good when being sacrificed to the plot


shinigami7878

Amazing


Agitated_Cress_829

Accurate divinity orginal sin 2 gameplay


Turilda

What is your answere when a player asks for an npc name?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Random gibberish that sounds right usually.


marzulazano

I mean, is this even edited?


LimpPrior6366

Thats honestly exactly what I do😂


marzulazano

My players loved King Rununmunun (I added more uns every time)


SnooCheesecakes154

What’s a mindflayer?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

33% of 3 kobolds in a trenchcoat


Life-Competition9577

WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN


Marmalade_Shaws

THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT


TeaandandCoffee

YES, INDEED


lettucehater

Is that one kobold, or one third taken from 3 different kobolds?


TheDarkDoctor17

Just the legs of each kobolds


Jackuzzi0404

It's kobolds all the way down


Particular-Coffee-34

What spells are banned at your table?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Magic Missle


Least_Outside_9361

Lmao man didn’t feel the need to edit


Akarin_rose

How many players have you physically assaulted


Stemper_AKA_Redit

4 players


Akarin_rose

I see


Stemper_AKA_Redit

I had to man, they didn't bring snacks.


Akarin_rose

Understandable have a nice day


Thecristo96

NTA, Good master


Theburritolyfe

What's the best thing a DM can do?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Arbitrarily change things about the PCs


Stemper_AKA_Redit

They didn't know how to make proper characters anyway


Theburritolyfe

Show those players who is boss. This isn't a game for fun. You are here to win damnit.


helmli

In it to win it!


Formal-Sir-2585

I the big DM am are winning again! I'm the greatest!


foxstarfivelol

in what condition should your players never be?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

happy and healthy


Tippe_99

Arent we all?


Bleu_Guacamole

What monster is good to throw at a level 1 party?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

CR 14 Ice Devil


Bwaarone

Plot twist: they literally throw an Ice Devil on top of the party. The devil politely excuses themselves for the incident and gives them a coupon


Insomeoneswalls

I’m stealing this


MortalTwit

Me: "WTF would an Ice Devil have a coupon for?" Wife: "Snow cones. Duh!"


ai1267

Cornugon coupon!


shinigami7878

😂


IdunnoIjustgotHere

Will you ever stop killing the partys pet?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Never


FinancialAd436

Do you support the make-a-wish foundation?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Only if there is potential to turn the wish into a time-travel arc.


TeaandandCoffee

Not gonna lie, I like the idea of a liter mawf in dnd


XanithDG

So is there any way for players to earn magic items in character or do they just have to bring snacks to the session?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Nope, only bribes


Stemper_AKA_Redit

bearers of orange creme soda get vorpal swords


JarvisPrime

SwordS? Plural?


helmli

4, Grievous style!


JarvisPrime

Well, hello there then!


Slarg232

What would you give your players as a late game magic item?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

An exceptional rock


bwssoldya

Don't mind me, just stealing this idea


MrKiwi24

"Rockerang" "It deals 2 damage (flat, no roll) to a target. It never misses its target. The moment it touches the ground, it teleports back to the person to tossed it".


TeaandandCoffee

​ https://preview.redd.it/n4u5mqx5qdra1.png?width=676&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=43096d83d1f8c431e1c59ec23cf8a7b10991594d


actualladyaurora

Are the players allowed to check the rules on their own if they think your ruling on something doesn't sound right?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

No, that nonsense is permabanned


Ultraempoleon

Amen


danielmatson5

Good


Kreetch

How long was your description of the BBEG’s genitals?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

3 paragraphs


SoloWing1

Still not as much as George R. R. Martin...


Stetson007

As a DM, what are usually the last words you say before fading to black?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

a tiny ooze


User_joined_channel

Will you ever repent for the crimes you have committed?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Under the right conditions...


Venator_IV

This guy pacts


DizzyComfortable7664

What would you do if you discovered that one of your players is gay ?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Apply the ban hammer


Insomeoneswalls

OH NO


KeithFromAccounting

They were playing a Tiefling, we knew


Pterafractyl

I feel attacked


DeltaV-Mzero

Too spicy


zadrie

What's the best way to encourage your players to share loot?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Just ask the players to be selfish


the_dumbass_one666

aah, reverse psychology, i like it


SuspiciousWallnut

How do you feel when your players go out of their way to make getting into the hobby an absolute hell for new players?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

I'm super appreciative when they do that


XandertheGrim

What’s the best way to deal with a problem player?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

I dunno, a rock?


MortalTwit

An Exceptional Rock.


DR4G0N_W4RR10R

Do you ban any classes?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Rogue Warlock Bard


CadenVanV

Le monstre


JaydenVestal

Is this an effective way to get players? I've never played DnD before as none of my friends do so does this work? https://preview.redd.it/qc2mma3pwcra1.png?width=910&format=png&auto=webp&v=enabled&s=54a540b2b2f87ff45444b77ed1b3d6031739fec7


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Only if you have a basement and padlocks to go with it


NightKnight0001

My trick was a dog. Couple of my players didn't pay attention because they would be petting the dog


Riptide_X

What’s the best monster to throw at a party of 4 level 10 murderhobos?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Master Tonberry


Riptide_X

Idk what that is so I have no clue how to change my question


Freecee

A Tonberry is a monster from final fantasy that does additional damage for every creature your character has killed potentially one shotting your characters. Also funny lizard man with a knife


stormscape10x

Don't forget the leisurely stroll before ending your whole career with a kitchen knife.


Akarin_rose

Name of the game stealing dmpc?


Teafligam

What would you tell a player who is crying because their character died in an emotional moment?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Something with the same energy as "Shut your mouth."


Stemper_AKA_Redit

They shouldn't have been standing in the way of the crit.


HIM101

Do you allow coffeelock? Why?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

I'd rather make a subplot about a patron abusing it than allow a player to have it.


misterllama24

Wait was this one even edited?


Billy177013

no


HIM101

I honestly couldnt think of a way to make it worse


JebTheSpaceman

You could change it to Whats your opinion on players having pets


calamity_unbound

Honestly, that sounds like a cool RP opportunity. A patron that grants almost unlimited magical power, but refuses to allow the recipient a moment's rest.


doggosramzing

Do you enjoy railroading your players, actively trying to win by creating TPKs, and being a toxic DM in general?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Absolutely


doggosramzing

You said to edit it to make you look like a bad DM, enjoy 🙃


Cataras12

Do you use coin weight?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Of course, don't you?


DoctorShmeat460

How do you feel about pcs being left out?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

It's pretty cool


Beginning-Mistake-75

Would you allow your players to make a magic dildo?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Never enough homebrew magic items


Fantastic_Wrap120

If you were to pick one class to play in real life, which would it be?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Fiend Warlock


willyrs

Do you ban any die in your games?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

d6


XNoah52

No 2d6 1d12 arguments at this table apparently


FireFoxy56125

whats the best weapon?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

A man on the inside


CadenVanV

That’s right Hercules Mulligan!


LeafWingKing

A tailor spyin' on the British government. I take their measurements, information, and then I smuggle it.


CadenVanV

To my brother's revolutionary covenant. I'm runnin' with the Sons of Liberty and I am lovin' it!


artemisentreei

What happens if the players come up with a fun and creative way to solve the problem instead of the way you planned?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Failure


Dragonheardt1

Was your last session good?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Probably not, I'm in-between campaigns rn.


Nevermore-guy

My entire family just died in an explosion, hopefully this comment section can cheer me up


Stemper_AKA_Redit

**#FFFFFF**


Nevermore-guy

:(


Italianfoodcultist

Isn’t that the hex color id for blank white?


2D_brain

What do you use when a martial rolls a nat 1?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

A misfortune table for the perpetrator


Platnum808

Do you support giving a noob part the deck of many things the first chance you get without warning


Stemper_AKA_Redit

100%


TitaniaLynn

If a new player joined your group, how would you welcome them to D&D?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Never encountered one, but I think I'd ban them.


One-Flatworm-4075

What is your go-to for magic bullshittery?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Okay, introduce this phrase into your campaign, "The wizard did it." *The Wizard* is an actual character that the players can find and kill.


Ninja_gorrila

What happens when a player forgets to bring snacks?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

They stop showing up to game night.


A_Salty_Cellist

Damn really just gonna merc them huh?


CovfefeBoss

What if your PCs wanted to level up but you wanted to give them a potato? How would you solve this dilemma?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

The potato would win


DragoKnight589

Have you ever banned any classes? If so, which ones?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Wizard Bard Rogue Ranger Fighter Paladin Warlock Monk Druid Sorcerer Barbarian Cleric Why do you ask?


PvZ_Prime

Ah, an artificer-only campaign, sounds intriguing.


helmli

Indeed! Finally, Alchemist is a viable option.


Dustlord

What's the most squeamish character concept someone brought to your table that made everyone uncomfortable?


moongravitysun

Do you think we should kick problem players off our tables?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Not inherently, you just need a crossbow


Digiboy62

What is the optimal way to keep players on the plot?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

That's called railroading


Creeds-Worm-Guy

How much gold should a DM give to the players after a long journey?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

**#000000**


Outrageous-Fish1725

What do you consider it when one of your players tells you to stop eating their dice?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Suggestion


Stemper_AKA_Redit

\*crunch\*


Shinyspoonz12

How long do you spend in bbeg monologues that your players aren’t allowed to interrupt


Stemper_AKA_Redit

2-4 hours


sharknamedgoose

Who did you include as the BBEG in your campaign?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

Your mother


Stemper_AKA_Redit

I appreciate you


KFC_dota

Do you let your players choose any other race than human?


Shirtlessviking2

what is your favourite class and race from dnd?


Tauter_star

So what do you think about introducing the Murderhobo archetype of player into campaigns? Even in more roleplay based campaigns.


Stemper_AKA_Redit

It's a bed for chaos and I love it.


GreenReflection6576

What is your favorite story from DMing a game?


Stemper_AKA_Redit

The druid got polymorphed into a giant shark and had to fight off another giant shark while a crazy old lady collected treasure from a shipwreck.


storytime_42

I'm betting this question also went unedited.


Nac_Lac

Do you try to balance your game or just pull the most broken modules from the internet?


eyeen

What races/classes do you ban on your table if any?