What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy; the other is a little lighter.

Two people were stuck on a helicopter with only a pack of cigarettes but no cigarette lighter. They looked everywhere for a lighter but couldn't find one. So one of them threw one of the cigs out the window and the whole helicopter became a cigarette lighter

Oh my fucking god. If I wasn't reading this at work I'd have properly laughed right out loud, thanks.

AWE, THAT'S HORRIBLY FUNNY IN FACT THAT'S THE STEROTYPICAL "DAD JOKE"

WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT US WITHOUT PUNCTUATION TOO

BECAUSE OTHERWISE WE WOULDN’T KNOW IT’S FUNNY

Nope not EVEN CLOSE TO WHY I WAS USING CAPS THE REASON IS B/C MY CAPS LOCK GOT STUCK ON AND I HAVEN'T THE SLIGHTEST CLUE HOW TO SHUT IT OFF OR ELSE I WOULD'VE BY NOW B/C OF THE BLOOMIN' IDIOTS SEEM TO THINK I'M YELLING AT THEM WHICH I'M NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST BIT AN BELIEVE ME IF I WERE YELLING AT YOU YOU'D KNOW IT FOR SURE

Also I didn't get banned from the zoo for trying to have sex with a Zippo

r/cursedcomments

That was a cemetery, not a zoo!

And it was a corpse, not a hippo.

hippo corpse?

Specifically, the corpse of my MIL heyooo

That's like trying to fuck an angry tank. That's not a fetish, that's a death wish.

What's the blowhole on a dolphin for? I'll tell you what it's NOT for, then you'll understand why I'm never allowed at SeaWorld again..

A lighter gets lighter every time you light it, until it won’t light any more.

That's why I can never find my lighters, they just float away!

Everytime you light a little lighter it gets a little lighter.

If you clean your vacuum cleaner, you're making a vacuum cleaner, and you *are* a vacuum cleaner.

If you bathe and wash somebody who cleans vaccum cleaners, you are a vacuum cleaner cleaner cleaner.

Not to mention if you wash yourself better than the other guy you’d be a cleaner vacuum cleaner cleaner cleaner

And you end up with a cleaner vacuum cleaner cleaner.

I've got a vacuum cleaner for sale... it's just gathering dust.

Not a cleaner vacuum cleaner cleaner?

When a fox is in the bottle where the tweedle beetles battle, with their paddles in a puddle on a noodle eating poodle….

If you bathe and wash yourself & are someone whom cleans vacuums, and you bathe & wash someone else whom cleans vacuums even when theyre not dirty, you'd be a clean clean vacuum cleaner cleaner cleaner..... cleaner? I think i got that right....

That suckss

Suck it! Take my upvote! :)

You’re a modern day Confucius. They will write books about you and your teachings oh wise one.

Try to make a word avalanche ou of this :D

Vacuum cleaner cleaners clean vacuum cleaners while vacuum cleaner cleaner cleaners clean vacuum cleaner cleaners.

If you are fridge repairman who retired and then returned to your job, you are a rererefridgeratorer.

Every time you light a lighter it gets a little lighter until the lighter is too light to light

Every time you light a little lighter it gets a little lighter until the little lighter is a little too light to light even a little.

This little light of mine.. i'm gonna let it shine...

But if you light a little lighter next to another little lighter, you make a little lighter lighter, while the lit little lighter gets lighter than the light little lighter you lit

Every time you wait for your food in a restaurant, you are the waiter.

That’s lit!

Every time you light a lighter it gets lighter until it gets so light you can't light it anymore

The longer you light a lighter, the lighter the lighter gets

Ever seen a machine that delivers vending machines at the push of a button? Vending machine vending machine.

Based on the comments, I'm not sure if people realize that gallon is a volume measurement and that a gallon of butane does objectively weigh less than a gallon of water. Like I think people do, but then there are references to steel, etc.

Thanks. Yeah most people got the joke, whether they thought it was funny or not, but there were a STAGGERING amount of people that did not understand it..

Which is sad

Totally. A 12 year old would get this joke no problem...

That's the most impressive part of this joke, that butane literally is a less dense fluid than water. Even at very low temperatures like -40 C, where it is considerably denser, it still only attains a density of about 640 kg/m\^3, compared to 997 kg/m\^3 for water. Here's another fun fact: a gallon of butane costs about $26 at Walmart, compared to about $1.22 for a gallon of water.

The showerthought version of this would be: "Butane is a lighter fluid because it is a lighter fluid".

Or they just don't know imperial units that well. Even if they know that a gallon is a unit of volume normally, the fluid ounce sets a precedent of unit of weight being used for volumes. Who can say if there isn't a "solid gallon" or similarly wacky unit concept around?

Chemist here, this joke is more than worthy of an upvote

Unemployed here, still worthy of an upvote

Sewer cleaner here, still worthy of an upvote.

Um, that would be methane, not butane...

So full of shit..!

Propane and propane accessories salesman here. Butane is a bastard gas, I’ll tell you huwhat.

Yup.

Ireckonyougongetyoyrolpantiesinabunchraightthareover that butane man.

Mmmm hmmm

I had a stroke trying to read that

For cryin' out loud, Dale!

That boy ain’t right

You’ll what me huwhat?

Some people’s shit is other people’s bread and butter

They were one alkane off

No that's ethane

Ummm Butane is used in lighters. Not Methane.

I got that afterwards. My apologies

The joke ^-------- your head --------✓

Wooosh, you mean :)

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I believe it was a sewer joke. Methane builds up in sewers.

Toilet humor, if you ask me.

High School freshman here. Still worthy of an upvote.

Downvoter here, still worthy of an upvote.

Seems like a shitty job

male pornstar here, quite humorous

Propane salesman here. Dammit Bobby, not worthy of an upvote!

Cleaner sewer here, courtesy of the sewer cleaner, they are worthy of my upvote.

Film maker here, will you watch my short film on butane?

It’s kind of hard to watch on butane, but I’ll try the projector screen or television instead!

Unemployed chemist here. Still worthy of an upvote

Chemistry major here. Still worthy of an upvote

redditor here , still unemployed . got a smoke?

If you can afford it

ouch

I'm not a chemist but I slept at a holiday Inn express last night

About all it takes

No u didn't. Please don't come here and lie to these people.

You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet, and tell lies?

Who are you to judge, they only said they slept 'at' a holiday Inn, not 'in' one.

I didn’t sleep at a holiday inn express last night but I think I know what a chemist is.

Tom Bodett here, did anyone leave the light on for you?

Do you really need to be a chemist to appreciate this though?

You need to have a very high IQ to appreciate this joke.

Guy's friggin Walter White over here he loves chemicals so much!

Nah. Just high school chemistry (density) and an average IQ.

and even more important: you need humor

The duality of man

No one: Redditor: let me tell you my job title

As a quantum physicist with 4 PHDs, I hate it when people randomly drop their job titles when it has nothing to do with the topic.

Not quite a chemist but I imagine it helps. Butane, being a hydrocarbon, actually is less dense than water, so the joke is true on two fronts which makes it funnier. I'd imagine that the majority of non chemists wouldn't know that.

This is what I was thinking too, but I had to look it up to see if it the joke was correct in that sense since I did not know about hydrocarbons being less dense than water (TIL!). For those who may be wondering, per google, a gallon of butane weighs about 5 lbs or 2.27 kg and a gallon of water weighs about 8.34 lbs or 3.78 kg.

I was busy figuring out the molecular weights before I read the punchline.

Just saying, to me, this joke seems under appreciated based on the comments

Yes

Why didn't anyone laugh when the king farted? Because noble gases don't cause reactions.

chemical Engineer here. Who uses gallons?

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...and a gallon of it would still be a lighter fluid by either definition.

I switched to gieco

Ahem. If you love chemistry so much why don't you marry it? Also I suppose this makes you DanBye the chemist guy

I got it too. Don't be so *dense*

Corporate dickhead here.... Enjoy your upvote ✔️

"My dad says butane is a bastard gas."

Dangit Bobby!

That boy ain't right, tell you whut.

I tell you hwat man dang ole butane man talkin 'bout gallon of this, gallon of that man talkin bout what's heavier man water dang ole lighter fluid.

*PSHH* Yup

Mhmm

What would your Dad recommend? Propane? I’m struggling to find someone who sells propane and propane accessories. Could your dad recommend a place for me?

Strickland Propane

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I was scrolling down and looking for this comment so I could give it the upvote it deserves.

What's heavier, 10 pounds (4.5 kg) of concrete or 10 pounds (4.5 kg) of feathers? - The feathers are heavier because you've also got to carry the weight of what you did to those poor birds.

But steel is heavier than [feathers...](https://youtu.be/-fC2oke5MFg)

Is that the window washer from The IT Crowd? The one who left his bike at Roy’s?

his names limmy, hes scottish, and yes thats him

Damn I didn’t realize Limmy was actually in anything

He's in Limmy's show

"Alastair! I'm not a window cleaner!!!"

He thinks I'm a bloody window cleaner...

It's a noble profession

That’s not fair. Concrete is heavier than feathers.

But ten pounds of gold weighs less than ten pounds of feathers. ^^^^Gold ^^^^is ^^^^measured ^^^^in ^^^^troy ^^^^pounds, ^^^^which ^^^^have ^^^^twelve ^^^^ounces, ^^^^rather ^^^^than ^^^^feathers ^^^^which ^^^^would ^^^^be ^^^^measured ^^^^in ^^^^avoirdupois ^^^^pounds ^^^^which ^^^^have ^^^^sixteen.

Yes. We must always endeavour to kill two stones with one bird.

actually, by that standard, they still both weigh the same because concrete is a non-renewable resource, so you also have to cary the weight of what you did to the enviroment :P

Of course concrete is renewable. It's just tiny bits of rock cemented together. It's easily recyclable.

Scientists say the concrete mines will run out before 2069.

[But steel is heavier than feathers!](https://youtube.com/watch?v=N3bEh-PEk1g)

What is but steel?

A gallon of steel?

Steel, because steel is heavier than feathers. 😌

Kilogram of steel.

Kellgram o stew

Kilogram o' haggis

No wonder, look at the size of that... That's cheatin'

Och they both a kelagram lad

It's actually the feathers, because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds

But did you know that every time you light your lighter, your lighter gets lighter until it gets so light it wont light?

Did you know if you clean your vacuum cleaner, you're making a vacuum cleaner, and you *are* a vacuum cleaner?

What weighs less than blue? Light blue.

The info below is to be read is a robot voice... 1 US imperial gallon of water: measured weight = approximately 8.34 US lbs. 1 US imperial gallon of butane: measured weight = approximately 5.00 US lbs. Therefore, 1 US imperial gallon of water measured weight > 1 US imperial gallon of butane measured weight. This is due to the density of water > than the density of butane.

But the density of your reply is greater than both.

OP screwed up the joke by giving the measurements in volume instead of weight

I like it better this way it's factually accurate in addition to being a pun

Yeah the joke isnt messed up. Its not supposed to be a trick question. Its a pun and is correct

*Butane is a lighter fluid*

I said the same thing. But I realized specifying the weight actually kind of causes the joke to make no sense. If you ask "What weighs more, 1kg of water or 1kg of butane?" Then proceed to say butane, it's contradicting.

The joke is way, waaaaaaay better that way. The humor density is at least 2punchlines/post

If he gave it in weight, it wouldn’t make sense since they would weigh the same and the punchline wouldn’t be true.

Op, this joke got no reaction from me. i just want to ask you... water you doing?

Do you not understand the solution?

i was gonna give you an \*ionic\* response, but i think it best if i dont.

Due to high inflation the cost of protons is skyrocketing, however neutrons are still free of charge Edit: spelling

I thought better about replying to you with a salty comment

Its pretty universal...at least the part about water

Don’t you understand the specific gravity of this situation?

> Op, this joke got no reaction from me. Well, la-di-da...aren't you noble.

Oh, lighten up, like butane.

told this to my dad, he giggled. joke approves

This joke is fire bro

Well, they used to weigh the same, but the butane really blew up.

> gallon > weigh the same America moment

Non-chemist, but own a butane torch-style lighter. Upvoted for its pun worthiness

Which is heavier, Mick Jagger or Jumpin' Jack Flash? Mick Jagger, because Jumpin' Jack Flash is a gas, gas, gas!

God dammit. Have an upvote.

Butane's density is also 0.2 g/mL less than water's density. So the joke is also just true facts

Related: what's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, and the other's a little lighter.

This belongs in r/dadjokes but it might be flagged as not being nsfw enough

I hate you.

Only a fluid while under pressure at room temp. Better play some Bowie/Mercury.

Only a *liquid while under pressure at room temp. Always a fluid. As are all gasses.

IDK man, this got me laughin' pretty heavily.

I am embarrassed this took me at least 15 seconds lol

That's ok, some of these armchair comedians/scientists have been here for 6 hours trying to disprove the logic behind it and completely sidestepped the basic play on words, even though it's an extremely simple joke, that seems to have landed fairly well with the majority of people.. At least you got the joke, without 17 follow up questions, or spewing a bunch of wikipedia statistics about molecular weights, densities, or questioning why the setup was worded with volumes instead of weights... Kudos.

To those of you that don’t know the joke is also correct. Density of butane is much lighter compared to water. If I remember correctly density of butane is 0.59, so one liter of butane is 599 grams competed to one liter of water that is 1 kg or 1000 grams. Not all fluids weight the same, another example are oils that are also lighter then water.

A gallon of water weighs 8.3 pounds. A gallon of butane weighs 5 pounds. Literally true; comically true.

Thank you! Wish more people could figure this out. I've explained the punchline, and the basis of the joke so many times it's not even funny anymore. Lol most people got it, but god damn an annoying amount of people didn't..

Me: Who can drink a whole litre of petrol and survive? Them: . . . No one can. Me: Jerry Can. [runs away]

As I expected, the comments section is lit.

This joke is a gas!

African or European butane?

The funniest part about this joke is OP frantically defending it from idiots in the comments 😂

Hi, I’m a scientist and I approve this joke ✋

I was like yeah no shit it’s a lighter fluid until it actually sunk in what the joke was

Don't worry. Some people have been here questioning the joke and scratching their heads for hours and it still hasn't sunk in..

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Butane; I'll always have to live with the weight of what a gallon of the stuff does to an orphanage...